post #20 - the end?

so i figured for my last post ever, i'd write a little "last day of school" memory post. ideally, i'd post a totally awesome poem or an excerpt of a story or something, but i really just want to talk. that's how i've been running my blog this whole time, and i feel like i'd be doing something wrong if i didn't just do what i do best.

my honors creative writing teacher gave us all beach balls. this class may be the thing i miss most about sophomore year. i never thought of myself as a good writer, and i still don't, but this class taught me to use my words effectively, how to self-revise, and how to write a petrarchan sonnet. so basically i learned more here than anywhere else.

my amazing english teacher pretty much brought juggling supplies and the entire class proceeded to fail at juggling while she completely owned us all. that’s my english teacher for you. then one of the guys from my class blew up the beach ball i got from honors creative writing, and the entire class, teacher included, formed a giant circle around the room and played the most hilarious game of keep up in the history of the world. probably the highlight of the day, for me.

then i had to write a super short article on squirrel infestations so i wouldn’t fail my journalism class.

my bible teacher proceeded to be the giant sweetheart that he is and made me feel all depressed about it being the last class of his that i’d be attending. ugh, i miss him already.

anatomy and history were boring and irrelevant, except for the poptarts. i'll let you figure that one out for yourselves.

lunch was just like every day, jamming to music and chatting and laughing and all that fun stuff.

spanish was fun too; joked around with my back-of-the-room pal (and everyone else, for that matter.)

math was my last class of the day. it was relatively okay; i basically talked to the dudes that i sit in the corner with (and ended up getting in trouble. i never get in trouble. it was fun.) then the bell rang and i proceeded to run like the wind down the hall to begin the hugging session.

holy crap, the hugging. it was everywhere. you couldn’t escape it. then again, i’m a really big hugger so it was actually pretty fun for me. i received many types of hugs: one armed hugs, aggressive hugs, slow motion hugs, girl hugs, boy hugs, teacher hugs, normal hugs, group hugs, holy crap the hugging. somewhere in the middle of all this, my friend pulled out a strobe light and i danced in the middle of the hallway. it was just one of those days.

then some funny conversations after school. it was fun for a while after that but then it got all awkward and quiet for a bit then everyone went home. the end.

and that is the final chapter of my sophomore year. between the embarrassing stuff, the exhaustion, the annoying people, the awesome people, the sleep deprivation (because one nod to my tiredness is not enough), and everything in between, i can honestly say this year was pretty great. i don't know if i'll continue on writing in this blog, because if anything, this blog captured a moment in my life clearer and more honest than anything else i can think of, and i can't imagine keeping up with it beyond this year. but i might. because sometimes memories need to be cherished in their purest state, but sometimes they can be continued, drawn out to capture even more beautiful moments. i really, really don't know. all i know is that i'm getting really nostalgic, and if i keep this up i might start crying.

so in conclusion...

to those i write about, you're my inspiration.

to those i write for, i love you.

and to the teacher who made me get this blog, i can't thank you enough.

peace out (for now?)

... yeah.

post #19

It's sad that you can't hear me. 
It's sad that you won't hear me at this very moment. 
Because this is the time I'll speak the truth. 
This is the moment I'll reveal the things I know,
Illuminating my story. 
Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever listen,
if we're all too selfish to truly listen to anyone but ourselves. 
Maybe I'll never know of someone like that;
Just. 
Pure. 
Listening.
Because the longer we live with ourselves,
The farther and farther we get from the truth. 
The constant sameness;
It blinds us from everything. 
Everything but want. 
Today, I understand Peter Pan more than ever before. 
I don't want to grow up. 
I just want to be heard.  

post #18

I'm not a maniac; I'm just a cure to ignorance. 
It's sad how people only see what they want,
And in the process, distort the vision of someone else. 
It's a shame, really. 
And it happens everyday. 
I pray I'm not that driving force, 
That my desire for those to hear me isn't destroying someone else. 
Who am I kidding; it probably is.
It's hard to be selfless when you're consumed in yourself. 
But it's even harder when you're consumed in others.  

post #17

hiiiiiiii guuuuuuuuuys. i've been taaaaaaaaaaalking like thiiiiiiis alllllllll daaaaaaaaaaay.
i'mmmm
sooooo
tiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

okay that's annoying. but hi.

so there are three more days left of school, as of this moment. this excites me.

edit: it's been two days since i visited this post, so now i have only one day of school left.

one.
day.
of.
school.
left.

words could not even begin to describe the sheer relief i feel at this. in a few days, i can sleep in as long as i want, do whatever i want, not see teachers, not do homework, not be grammatically correct (i'm practicing, as you can see), and.. kool aid. i love kool aid. i want some kool aid tomorrow. even though i forgot to buy it the other day. goshdangit. no kool aid for me.

anywho, i'm really excited about school being over. i think this entire week has just been an out of body experience, considering i'm so exhausted and i haven't been able to speak like a normal person for weeks, actually. i don't know how i've managed to get through five tests already. i have one more tomorrow. and a project to finish tonight. poems to lay out. blogs to write. after that, two exams to study for (well, i'm still waiting on tests for two subjects, but i'm pretty sure i'll be fine in those). then i'm free. finally.

there's only one major con in the whole summer thing: the fact that quite a few of my friends aren't coming back next year. i really hope i stay in touch with them, but usually i just fall out with those kinds of people, no matter how close, and it sucks. i'm making a summer resolution or whatever to not let that happen. and blog readers, you are my witnesses. as if any of you care.

so i'm off. three more of these entries until i am on longer contractually obligated to make posts on this blog. wow. trippy. i don't know if i'll keep making posts i doubt anyone actually reads this. if you do, please let me know.

that's enough for now.

until next time...

post #16

You know what the theme of America is?

You guessed it: instant gratification.

If you think about it, everything we do revolves around mememe, and the faster we get what we want, the more successful we are.

This is the case for everything we Americans do. We're the generation of instant movie rentals and 3-minute-microwave meals. I mean, there's nothing wrong with efficiency... until it gets to be a universal lifestyle.  We're too lazy to meet with someone face to face, so we send worthless texts back and forth, thinking it's a perfectly healthy way to hold conversations and keep relationships. I don't think it is, honestly. I mean, as for getting messages fast, it's perfectly fine, but the way we confess our deepest, darkest secrets over text messages just... scares me, you know? And the idea of anything being available with a click of a button just terrifies me.

Soon we won't have to work for everything.

And that really, really scares me.

post #15

It's funny how things change.
No matter how hard we try to stay the same.
Maybe I was the only one trying.
God only knows how ordinary I can be.

But it is the same.
... Almost.

Why do I feel so scared?
I knew.
I always knew.
But I could never believe it.

It's never been like this, for me.
And I don't know what to do.
But I'll keep trying.
And hoping that's enough.

post #14

oh hello there. so i have my driver's exam today (still can't believe i'm in driver's ed so late why did i wait whyyyyyy) and i feel like i'm not nervous enough for it. i remember my friends flipping their chizz when they had to take it, but i'm not. at all. i by no means know all the material, but i feel like i know enough of it to get at least 70 questions right. so i'm not nervous. at all. but i'm still planning on studying anywhere i can. i hope i don't start freaking out when i take it; i'll fail for sure. but no one's ever flunked out of driver's ed before. so i'll be fine.

oh, and did you guys hear? the world's ending tomorrow. no, but really. i'm totally on board for that "put some of your old clothes outside like something out of left behind" prank. really. because whoever came up with this crazy theory is a troll, and obviously needs to be trolled back.

but in all honesty, if the world ends on saturday, i can say that i have listened to enough beautiful music to last me a lifetime, and even though i couldn't personally thank all of them, i thank all of the people (my mom and brother first and foremost, musicians/bands, writers, etc.) that have inspired me into the person that i am today: the shameless, almost confident, trustworthy, rebellious chick whose words you're reading right this minute. the girl with the crazy nail polish, electric blue eyeliner, messy brain and matching messy hair. and most importantly, i thank my Lord and Savior for His always perfect timing, and for the blessings He provided on this earth, and has promised to me for eternity. and you know what's trippy? as i typed that last part, my favorite song of all time started playing. wow. that was really awesome. and if i wasn't in class, i'd probably sing along. and maybe cry.

so if the world does end... you, dear reader, know that i've been blessed with so many things, and i want you to be a witness. even though i've been broken by various trials, and hurt by so many people, i can, with all sincerity, say that the blessings that the Lord has given me so heavily outweigh those trials. i hope the same for you, dear reader. but if that's not the case, i invite you to listen to your favorite song, right now. because sometimes that's enough to make a person feel blessed.

post #13 - obligatory brain babble post

i love how everyone's all awake and vivacious this morning and i'm sitting here like "lulul wutscohereencyyy?~". i may seem completely capable, but if you knew what was going on in my brain, you'd think again.
here is the equivalent of what i'm thinking right now:
"sleeeo ssepnap zzzzzzz cani arestr si wslepep slweepepsy math eTast ewwewe rwwhy isi sthsi ahappingnerotomeihatethisaletmedif aeieeef sleeeape."
yeah. that is exactly what is going on in my brain right now.
yep.
yuuuuup.
you know, i don't know if i prefer yup or yep. i say "yup" aloud, but yep sounds a little more... efficient? but is efficiency necessary with a one-syllable, three-letter word? i doubt it is. y'know, the word yup/yep kind of bugs me. i might just stop saying it altogether.
okay i literally cannot think of anything else to say. that doesn't happen often.
OHMYJEEBUS I AM BABBLING ABOUT BABBLING POSTING THIS NOW I'M TOTALLY SANE I PROMISE.

post #12

Sepia-tone thoughts.
Low-opacity dreams.
Nothing is bright.
There's no contrast.
I feel desaturated.
Dull.
Lifeless.
Inject the color.
Expose the light.
Let me be who I need to be.

post #11

Warning to the wise: don't search "weird pictures" on Google if you're as wimpy as me. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Anywho... yesterday was really terrible. I'm already over it, but you know, I need more blog posts, so I'm going back to it.

So I started the morning with a huge fight. And I also found out some really awful news. So both of these were contributing factors to me crying my eyes out promptly before entering school. I was still an absolute mess at that point, which I hated in itself and just caused me to cry more. So all through creative writing, I was heaving in my little corner, all red eyes and cried-off makeup. Which brings me to my next point: my makeup was absolute crap the entire day. And there wasn't anything I could do about it. To most people, this really wouldn't be life-shattering, but I'm a crazy makeup guru and I like it when my makeup doesn't look Heath-Ledger-as-Joker-esque. And that's exactly how it looked. Which made me angry.

Classes were more boring than usual, people were more annoying than usual (except for my friends who kept me sane), and I just felt bad. Then when school ended, I had driver's ed. So here's the thing: I'm a sophomore. And most people take driver's ed as freshmen. But lo and behold, I felt it absolutely necessary not to take driver's ed last year (idiot, I was one), and the first session of this year was full. So there I was, in a room of freshmen, for 3 hours. It could have been worse. It only added to my annoyance, though.

Then I went home and studied a lot and ate a crapload of rice because I was craving it and got little sleep.

Now I'm writing this blog and I feel kind of giddy.

What are human emotions even?

post #10

american idol opinions are back. let's roll, bros.

1. james durbin - closer to the edge - one of my favorite songs of all time. not excited to hear james sing it. he has this uncanny ability of taking my all-time favorite songs and turning them into stomach-turning, headache-inducing performances that the judges rave fanatically about (*cough* UPRISING BY MUSE *cough cough*) this performance was no different. pitchy, unimaginative, and forced. and i'm pretty sure the judges loved it. ugh.

2. jacob lusk - no air - um. wow. jacob was gettin' low. like, really, really low. i felt violated through the entire duration of this performance. no one should ever dance like that outside a club. it was obscene. and the singing was just awkward. if you plan on singing a duet song, make sure it doesn't sound like that. ever.

3. lauren alaina - flat on the floor - i can't believe this girl is younger than me. crazy. with the makeup and hair for this week (at least in her second performance), she could pass for late-twenties. anywho, girl can saaaang. and she knows exactly who she is and what she should be singing, which is very commendable for a girl her age. country music needs her. seriously.

4. scotty mccreery - gone -

his face during this performance made the entire night worthwhile for me. he's so energetic. and his voice is so good. i adore this kid. can't wait for his hometown visit; i seriously want to go.

5. haley reinhart - you and i - i love how everyone was flailing and whining about haley singing an "unreleezed gaga sawng~~*~*" when the song has been for about a year, gaga has sung it live in concerts and on television, and tons of people know about it. i just think the american idol judges are just massively uneducated in the music world. anywho, it was pretty good. she sounded good. looked good. thing is, it didn't have half the feeling that the original does. still, not bad by any stretch of the imagination. 

6. james durbin - without you - i applaud his passion. really, the emotions were giving me goosebumps through this. plus, the song's a classic and i love it. thing is... he didn't sound good. if he had sounded good, it may've been the best of the night. but he didn't sound good. therefore i'm sitting here, wondering why he's still in the competition.

7. jacob lusk - love hurts - ughughugh i love gospel music yesssss. jacob brought it in this one. still, it wasn't memorable enough to keep him in the competition. despite the awesome vocals and stylistics, jacob still went home, and with little legacy because his recent performances haven't been all that fantastic. oh well. if he makes a record, i'll probably buy it. he's an awesome, genuine vocalist. 

8. lauren alaina - unchained melody - my favorite cheesy love song! like steven tyler, i don't have much to say about this one. she looked flawless, sang beautifully, and it all just worked.

9. scotty mccreery - always on my mind - serious side of scotty. OHOHOHO ALLITERATION WHAT NOW. but i really, really loved this one. he has such an amazing, country voice. i feel like those two words shouldn't go together, but in all honesty, scotty is making me appreciate country music again. i used to love it years ago, but with the taylor-swift-pop-country-infusion explosion, i've kind of lost my faith in the genre. scotty's restoring it, though, and i want him to win the season for that reason. OH LOOK A RHYME I AM A BEAST.

10. haley reinhart - house of the rising sun - the performance of the night. absolutely, 100% flawless. i really believe this girl has a place in soul music or something of the sort... y'know, i don't care which genre she wants to work in; as long as she pulls out songs like this, i'm buying them. great way to end the night.

i don't know if i'll be doing these opinions next week, but i might do a recap of the finale if i can. hoorah~

post #9

hello. i am in history class as of the current moment. i'm sure you don't really care, but i felt as if i'd let you know. i needed 12 more posts for the quarter, so i figured i'd knock one out.

this week has been going by quite fast, but each day has been going by excruciatingly slow. this was the first week back from spring break. i liked spring break. it was relaxing. i am now no longer relaxed. i am stressed, and exhausted, and both of these factors affect my writing style immensely. my friend stacey is next to me, looking at pastries. she wants a cannoli, or however you spell it. they look pretty magnificient. now we're looking at chocolate covered strawberries. i want one.

this has been the most interesting blog post in the history of my blog. i'm sure you're impressed.

/sarcasm

post #8

I was watching a concert on TV today, because I'm a music freak and that's what I do. But in all seriousness, it made me think and feel more than I ever have in months. No one will ever, and I mean ever, understand what music means to me. I'm not even sure if I fully understand myself. All I know is that music came to me in my time of need. It has failed me, as all earthly things have, but I have no doubts it's the best tangible thing on the planet. 

The combination of instruments, melodies, and words is the closest thing to perfect in this horribly imperfect world. So perfect, that it's mere existence can cause an utter downpour of emotions that I can't even express in words. I wish I could, I wish I could copy and paste my emotions onto a page, so everyone could understand, but I just can't. 

Thing is, the reason why I was feeling so much, was because I was watching the band that started everything for me. They've been a band for nearly 20 years now, and I think it's safe to say that their music has changed the punk genre forever, and is the blatant definition of 21st century punk music. If you even vaguely know about music, you could probably guess who this band is just from those details. So I watched them play live today, and I felt so much nostalgia. This band was my first taste of punk, the first taste of rebellion. It started everything. 

I'm certainly not the biggest fan of this band. I don't know all the words to their songs, and I haven't listened to all their albums. They were always too punk, too grunge, too raw for my tastes. But none of that could lessen what I felt today. Nothing could lessen my gratitude, either.   

post #7

Oh my goodness, you guys. I think I might be even more of a creep than I thought possible. Thing is, I didn't mean to be. It was totally an accident, I promise.

Well, anyways, I was walking into school about 10-15 minutes ago. I was walking through the door, and a little girl that I recognized was holding the door for me. I said thank you, she said you're welcome, it was all very pleasant. Then she mumbled a comment, saying I looked nice.  And you see... I thought I knew this girl. Well. I might know her. She looked really, really similar to another little girl I know... but she may or may not be that girl. Anywho, back to the story.

So, me, being totally stupid and creepy and not thinking before I say things, said, "You look nice, too. You always look nice." Then I heard her mumble thank you. But I couldn't tell if it was a creeped-out tone or a normal, shy person tone. Guys, I might have just told a complete stranger that they always look nice. Which means I'm always looking at them. Always. Oh my gosh I can't even handle my own level of creepy. Just imagine being a little girl, in between 4th-6th grade, thinking that they're always being watched. I don't know about you, but I'd be twitchy. Really twitchy. But then again, I was really twitchy in elementary school already.

So, I'm hoping for one of two options.
1. The girl truly was the one I recognized and she took what I said as a compliment.
2. I never, ever come across this little girl again, and she isn't as mentally scarred about this situation as I am. Poor thing has enough to deal with in elementary/middle school.

post #6

Blooming relationships.
It should have been me.
Trying to ignore me.
Trying to make you angry.
Everything I say, you ignore.
Really, I'm not bitter.

post #5

THIS... is a meme appreciation post.

Memes are beautiful things. To explain them in simplest terms, they are smart, funny internet jokes, that are usually relatable to internet people. The meme above, Socially Awkward Penguin, is basically my entire life in the form of memes (with the exception of a few sketch ones I've seen). There are tons of other funny ones, like Philosoraptor... and a bunch that I can't remember.

I like memes. And I will possibly write more about them in the future.

Get excited.

post #4

Sometimes I really, really want to plagiarize.

Did I get your attention?

Ha, probably not.

But really though. Really.

Just listen to Dangerous Blues by The Young Veins. You'll understand my psychotic need to take every. single. word. of. this. song.

"What makes a crowd turn away from a tune?
I've never bloomed such a beautiful blues."

Why is this song not mine. Really now.

I'm pretty sure this whole words thing is entirely opinion-based. Maybe you won't be compelled to plagiarize when you listen to that song. But I do. And my opinion totally matters not really.

Well, anyway, my final thoughts on plagiarism: it's very, very, very tempting, but very wrong. Don't do it, kids.

post #3

Noxious fumes.
Brilliant hues.
Precision.
Mistakes are made.
Mistakes are corrected.
Easy to remove, these certain mistakes.
I admire my work.
Wiggling fingers, wiggling toes.
My nails are painted blue.

post #2

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE STOP PRESSURING ME.

okay never mind i'll think of something.

so um, you know how you have those herpy derpy moments in life and you just stare off into the distance for, well, eternity? and you know how during those moments someone is staring directly into your eyes and you don't notice because you're herpin' and derpin' it? and then you're staring into each other's eyes (you're blissfully unaware, the other person probably terrorized and questioning your sanity), and you suddenly become aware that you're a human being and you find yourself staring. and they're still staring. and then, finally, you do what any person with proper creepy staring etiquette would do... look away as abruptly and dramatically as possible.
and though this all feels like slow motion, this entire process happens in a span of a few seconds.

know what i'm talking about?

yeah, well, that's the only thing my puny brain has been capable of this week.

i think everyone's scared of me now.

post #1

i've been trying to write, but lately my muse has been really, really lame and unhelpful. thing is, i'm pretty sure the reason why i can't write anything with any substance these days is because nothing's going on in my life right now. nothing interesting, at least. i go to school, i come home and complain about school, i do homework, i eat, i sleep. that's all. even on weekends, nothing happens. i usually just spend my day mindlessly surfing the internet. there's a car honking outside. i hope it stops soon. it did. oh, it started again. someone really needs to do something about that. it's really distracting me from my writing. oh my gosh it's not stopping. the honking is going to go on fore- okay it stopped. i'm going to stop writing before it starts again.

here, have a dapper cat:

good day, fine sirs and madams.