post #20 - the end?

so i figured for my last post ever, i'd write a little "last day of school" memory post. ideally, i'd post a totally awesome poem or an excerpt of a story or something, but i really just want to talk. that's how i've been running my blog this whole time, and i feel like i'd be doing something wrong if i didn't just do what i do best.

my honors creative writing teacher gave us all beach balls. this class may be the thing i miss most about sophomore year. i never thought of myself as a good writer, and i still don't, but this class taught me to use my words effectively, how to self-revise, and how to write a petrarchan sonnet. so basically i learned more here than anywhere else.

my amazing english teacher pretty much brought juggling supplies and the entire class proceeded to fail at juggling while she completely owned us all. that’s my english teacher for you. then one of the guys from my class blew up the beach ball i got from honors creative writing, and the entire class, teacher included, formed a giant circle around the room and played the most hilarious game of keep up in the history of the world. probably the highlight of the day, for me.

then i had to write a super short article on squirrel infestations so i wouldn’t fail my journalism class.

my bible teacher proceeded to be the giant sweetheart that he is and made me feel all depressed about it being the last class of his that i’d be attending. ugh, i miss him already.

anatomy and history were boring and irrelevant, except for the poptarts. i'll let you figure that one out for yourselves.

lunch was just like every day, jamming to music and chatting and laughing and all that fun stuff.

spanish was fun too; joked around with my back-of-the-room pal (and everyone else, for that matter.)

math was my last class of the day. it was relatively okay; i basically talked to the dudes that i sit in the corner with (and ended up getting in trouble. i never get in trouble. it was fun.) then the bell rang and i proceeded to run like the wind down the hall to begin the hugging session.

holy crap, the hugging. it was everywhere. you couldn’t escape it. then again, i’m a really big hugger so it was actually pretty fun for me. i received many types of hugs: one armed hugs, aggressive hugs, slow motion hugs, girl hugs, boy hugs, teacher hugs, normal hugs, group hugs, holy crap the hugging. somewhere in the middle of all this, my friend pulled out a strobe light and i danced in the middle of the hallway. it was just one of those days.

then some funny conversations after school. it was fun for a while after that but then it got all awkward and quiet for a bit then everyone went home. the end.

and that is the final chapter of my sophomore year. between the embarrassing stuff, the exhaustion, the annoying people, the awesome people, the sleep deprivation (because one nod to my tiredness is not enough), and everything in between, i can honestly say this year was pretty great. i don't know if i'll continue on writing in this blog, because if anything, this blog captured a moment in my life clearer and more honest than anything else i can think of, and i can't imagine keeping up with it beyond this year. but i might. because sometimes memories need to be cherished in their purest state, but sometimes they can be continued, drawn out to capture even more beautiful moments. i really, really don't know. all i know is that i'm getting really nostalgic, and if i keep this up i might start crying.

so in conclusion...

to those i write about, you're my inspiration.

to those i write for, i love you.

and to the teacher who made me get this blog, i can't thank you enough.

peace out (for now?)

... yeah.

post #19

It's sad that you can't hear me. 
It's sad that you won't hear me at this very moment. 
Because this is the time I'll speak the truth. 
This is the moment I'll reveal the things I know,
Illuminating my story. 
Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever listen,
if we're all too selfish to truly listen to anyone but ourselves. 
Maybe I'll never know of someone like that;
Just. 
Pure. 
Listening.
Because the longer we live with ourselves,
The farther and farther we get from the truth. 
The constant sameness;
It blinds us from everything. 
Everything but want. 
Today, I understand Peter Pan more than ever before. 
I don't want to grow up. 
I just want to be heard.  

post #18

I'm not a maniac; I'm just a cure to ignorance. 
It's sad how people only see what they want,
And in the process, distort the vision of someone else. 
It's a shame, really. 
And it happens everyday. 
I pray I'm not that driving force, 
That my desire for those to hear me isn't destroying someone else. 
Who am I kidding; it probably is.
It's hard to be selfless when you're consumed in yourself. 
But it's even harder when you're consumed in others.  

post #17

hiiiiiiii guuuuuuuuuys. i've been taaaaaaaaaaalking like thiiiiiiis alllllllll daaaaaaaaaaay.
i'mmmm
sooooo
tiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

okay that's annoying. but hi.

so there are three more days left of school, as of this moment. this excites me.

edit: it's been two days since i visited this post, so now i have only one day of school left.

one.
day.
of.
school.
left.

words could not even begin to describe the sheer relief i feel at this. in a few days, i can sleep in as long as i want, do whatever i want, not see teachers, not do homework, not be grammatically correct (i'm practicing, as you can see), and.. kool aid. i love kool aid. i want some kool aid tomorrow. even though i forgot to buy it the other day. goshdangit. no kool aid for me.

anywho, i'm really excited about school being over. i think this entire week has just been an out of body experience, considering i'm so exhausted and i haven't been able to speak like a normal person for weeks, actually. i don't know how i've managed to get through five tests already. i have one more tomorrow. and a project to finish tonight. poems to lay out. blogs to write. after that, two exams to study for (well, i'm still waiting on tests for two subjects, but i'm pretty sure i'll be fine in those). then i'm free. finally.

there's only one major con in the whole summer thing: the fact that quite a few of my friends aren't coming back next year. i really hope i stay in touch with them, but usually i just fall out with those kinds of people, no matter how close, and it sucks. i'm making a summer resolution or whatever to not let that happen. and blog readers, you are my witnesses. as if any of you care.

so i'm off. three more of these entries until i am on longer contractually obligated to make posts on this blog. wow. trippy. i don't know if i'll keep making posts i doubt anyone actually reads this. if you do, please let me know.

that's enough for now.

until next time...

post #16

You know what the theme of America is?

You guessed it: instant gratification.

If you think about it, everything we do revolves around mememe, and the faster we get what we want, the more successful we are.

This is the case for everything we Americans do. We're the generation of instant movie rentals and 3-minute-microwave meals. I mean, there's nothing wrong with efficiency... until it gets to be a universal lifestyle.  We're too lazy to meet with someone face to face, so we send worthless texts back and forth, thinking it's a perfectly healthy way to hold conversations and keep relationships. I don't think it is, honestly. I mean, as for getting messages fast, it's perfectly fine, but the way we confess our deepest, darkest secrets over text messages just... scares me, you know? And the idea of anything being available with a click of a button just terrifies me.

Soon we won't have to work for everything.

And that really, really scares me.

post #15

It's funny how things change.
No matter how hard we try to stay the same.
Maybe I was the only one trying.
God only knows how ordinary I can be.

But it is the same.
... Almost.

Why do I feel so scared?
I knew.
I always knew.
But I could never believe it.

It's never been like this, for me.
And I don't know what to do.
But I'll keep trying.
And hoping that's enough.

post #14

oh hello there. so i have my driver's exam today (still can't believe i'm in driver's ed so late why did i wait whyyyyyy) and i feel like i'm not nervous enough for it. i remember my friends flipping their chizz when they had to take it, but i'm not. at all. i by no means know all the material, but i feel like i know enough of it to get at least 70 questions right. so i'm not nervous. at all. but i'm still planning on studying anywhere i can. i hope i don't start freaking out when i take it; i'll fail for sure. but no one's ever flunked out of driver's ed before. so i'll be fine.

oh, and did you guys hear? the world's ending tomorrow. no, but really. i'm totally on board for that "put some of your old clothes outside like something out of left behind" prank. really. because whoever came up with this crazy theory is a troll, and obviously needs to be trolled back.

but in all honesty, if the world ends on saturday, i can say that i have listened to enough beautiful music to last me a lifetime, and even though i couldn't personally thank all of them, i thank all of the people (my mom and brother first and foremost, musicians/bands, writers, etc.) that have inspired me into the person that i am today: the shameless, almost confident, trustworthy, rebellious chick whose words you're reading right this minute. the girl with the crazy nail polish, electric blue eyeliner, messy brain and matching messy hair. and most importantly, i thank my Lord and Savior for His always perfect timing, and for the blessings He provided on this earth, and has promised to me for eternity. and you know what's trippy? as i typed that last part, my favorite song of all time started playing. wow. that was really awesome. and if i wasn't in class, i'd probably sing along. and maybe cry.

so if the world does end... you, dear reader, know that i've been blessed with so many things, and i want you to be a witness. even though i've been broken by various trials, and hurt by so many people, i can, with all sincerity, say that the blessings that the Lord has given me so heavily outweigh those trials. i hope the same for you, dear reader. but if that's not the case, i invite you to listen to your favorite song, right now. because sometimes that's enough to make a person feel blessed.