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Friday, March 18, 2011

post #20

dear friend o' mine,

you're so freakin' cool.

no, seriously though.

we may not like all the same things. fact of the matter is, we don't. but when it comes to us, it doesn't matter. we bond over things that normal people don't: we're meme-obsessed, we watch the qvc, and we both laugh at everything. i don't know why, exactly, but whenever i find something new in common with you, i just appreciate our friendship all the more.

you make me laugh more than any other person on earth. i'm so blessed to have a friend as hilarious as you. i'm pretty sure if you weren't in my life, i wouldn't live as long. ... cuz you live longer when you laugh a lot. right? yeah.

you're so easygoing, too. you're probably the one friend that doesn't over-analyze crap that doesn't need to be over-analyzed. you see things the way i do, and it's the coolest thing in the world.

last but not least, you listen. i love you for listening, or at least pretending you do. because i have to be the one that listens all the time (well, a lot of the time, because in a lot of my friendships, i'm the talker), and it's just nice to have a friend who talks just as much as she listens. usually it's one or the other.

i was just thinking about all of my friends, and for whatever reason, you just stuck out in my mind today. so i wrote this letter to you. you may or may not read this, because you did take an interest in my blog at one point (which is so cool too fdjjkfhsdl). so yeah, i'm pretty sure you'll know who you are if you ever read this.

i love you. a lot.

post #19 (aka, the annoying writer self-doubt post of the quarter)

My brain is empty.
I thoroughly believe there is nothing left in there.
The words I use are tired and worthless;
why do I keep writing?
I don't know.
I don't know why I feel so discouraged.
I feel like what I write isn't good enough.
But does it really need to be?
Whose standard am I looking to please?
I don't even know the answer to that.
I'm just tired.
I rush through everything with reckless abandon,
and it is nothing.
Everything is nothing.
I'm saying nothing, even now.
I should just stop.

post #18

It's Friday.
And you know what that means, right?

In honor of this trainwreck song, I decided to help miss Rebecca Black out with her songwriting skills. I pray she didn't write this herself, but either way, I made some changes to her song Friday that I believe will make this song even more of a winner than it already is.

I present to you Friday: The Intellectual Version.

It is 7 o'clock in the morning,
I rise from my bed.
I must freshen myself, and afterwards, make my way down the stairs,
Need to have my morning nourishment, preferably in a bowl-like container,
I watch the chaos around while the clock ticks intermittently,
Everyone is hasty.
I now must to walk to my bus stop.
I need to catch my bus,
But I see my friends so I am immediately distracted from this need.
Some are situated in the front of the car,
and the rest are in the rear of the vehicle.
I must decide:
Which seat may I occupy?

It is Friday, Friday,
Must experience joy on Friday,
The inhabitants of earth are looking forward to the end of the week, end of the week,
Friday, Friday
Enjoying myself on Friday.
The inhabitants of earth are looking forward to the end of the week, end of the week.
Possibly dancing, but mostly awkwardly fist-pumping with a fake smile on my face, YEAH!
Possibly dancing, but mostly awkwardly fist-pumping with a fake smile on my face, YEAH!
Beguilement, merriment, mirth, jocularity,
Looking ahead to the end of the week.

... okay I can't do this anymore.

post #17

oh hello, blog readers.
i've always wanted to put reviews on this blog. i guess you could call me a critical person. i love reviewing, especially music. so i came up with this idea...
you all know the show american idol, right? some people quite like it (such as myself), and others find it mind-numbingly dull, or just plain bad. if you are one of the latter, you may not enjoy this idea very much, because i plan to review american idol. maybe not every week, but every time i feel like it. don't worry if you don't like the show, or haven't watched it. this is, first and foremost, a writing blog, and i plan to keep it that way. so scattered in between poems, or stories, or life musings, you, dear reader, will be able to find american idol reviews. hoorah.

so anywho, wednesday night, the top 12 contestants of season 10 performed. i actually haven't seen all the performances yet, but from what i have seen, there are some great ones. such a huge step above last season. i'll be commentating on each performance (some as i listen to them, others from memory).

here we go!

oh! and this week's theme is "songs from the year you were born". i could probably rant for days about how much i hate this theme, but i really don't have a year, and i'm sure you don't either.

1. Naima Adedapo - What's Love Got to Do With It? - Fun fact: this song used to come on the radio station my family listened to back when I was a youngin'. Good times. I used to belt this one like the diva I truly was. But anywho, this performance just flat out sucked. One of the worst of the night, by far. I really do like Naima, though; she has crazy style, a great story, and a really cool voice. But this was just filled with pitch issues, and was boring and awkward and baaad.

2. Paul McDonald - I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues - Another one of my favorite classics. So here's the thing: I think I might be in love with Paul. He moves around on stage like everybody's drunk uncle, and it's just so wonderfully endearing to me. And he has a nice smile. And a cool beard. And really weird, fruity fashion sense. So yeah, aside from this dude pretty much being my spirit animal, I also really, really love the way he sings. This performance really wasn't that good until he hit the chorus, but in his defence, he was sick. But yeah, still respectable.

3. Thia Megia - Colors of the Wind - This girl has the name of a winner. Thee-a Muh-Gee-Uh. It rhymes. Therefore it is brilliant. Anywho, the performance was lovely, she looked lovely, and that's really all there is to it. She did the song justice and it wasn't pitchy. The judges seemed to have problems with it, but I liked it.

4. James Durbin - I'll Be There For You - Did anyone else get all excited when they heard the song title, thinking James was gonna sing the Friends theme song? Just me? Okay. So it's not the Friends theme song. I wasn't jumping up and down over this performance, but I do like Adam Lam- I mean James (he really doesn't sound like Adam at all, and he and Adam aren't the only artists that "scream", but seriously, he picks all the same songs and does all the same arrangements as Adam did, so I totally have a right to call him out on it.) The performance got better towards the end, but I was kind of bored. I second Steven Tyler's plea for James not to go too pop-y. This guy is a great performer, and a great singer, but this week wasn't great for me.

5. Haley Reinhart - I'm Your Baby Tonight - I really can't stand this girl. I'm sorry. Something about her just bugs me to the core. But ohmygosh the lipstick thing was the best thing to happen on American Idol since I don't know when. So awkward and hahahahahahhahaha-inducing. The performance was dull and almost formless, in a sense. I just want her to go home already.

6. Stefano Langone - If You Don't Know Me By Now - FAVORITE. Ohmylord, this is one talented kid. He just sings well. Really well. And he's contemporary enough to make it in today's industry. It all just works together. This performance wasn't anything groundbreaking, but it was a song that was sung well, and that's all that matters.

7. Pia Toscano - Where Do Broken Hearts Go - First off, she's so pretty. Seriously. This performance was pretty boring, and lacking in energy. She's a natural diva with her voice, though. American Idol hasn't had a contestant like her in a while; someone who could belt big notes, and do it well. She'll go places, once she picks better songs.

8. Scotty McCreery - Can I Trust You With My Heart? - Pfffffffahahahhahaha HIS FACE. I don't know why, but every time he smiles at the camera, I just burst out laughing. He has this awesomely stupid face. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. I really quite liked this performance, actually. A genuine country boy with a genuine performance. I can actually feel what he's singing, stupid face and all.

9. Karen Rodriguez - Love Will Lead You Back - Girl, what is going on on your head.
Here, have a picture:

I just... what is this whole outfit I don't even. The hair, though. The hair is spectacularly weird. Well, anywho, the performance was so dull I can't even think of something to say about it. She seems like a really sweet girl, though, and I love it when she sings in Spanish. This performance did nothing for me.

10. Casey Abrams - Smells Like Teen Spirit - In the beginning I was totally loving it. He brought out the bass guitar, and it was all just great and dandy. Then he hit the middle of the song, and it just got creepy. The way the lights hit his face... he looked possessed. And the sounds he was making (I suppose you could call it singing, but like... what). Overall it was just really, really fun to watch. But also slightly horrifying.

11. Lauren Alaina - I'm the Only One - Lauren was also sick on performance night. I still think she did a really good job. Sort of forgettable. She has a good voice, and nice charisma. Knows how to work a crowd. I don't know. Not a fan yet.

12. Jacob Lusk - Alone - Oh Lord, this man has sass. A lot of it.  He's kind of hilarious. He sang one of my favorite songs of all time. Some parts were spectacular, others were cringe-inducing. Overall, it really amazes me how he leaves all of himself on the stage when he performs. I don't think I've ever seen that kind of passion before in my life. He's one of my favorites, for sure.

ohmygosh I'm finally done. This was exhausting. And these are probably very boring. Hopefully I can snark more next time?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

post #16

this is a poem about my surroundings.

my walls are painted green.
it is a pretty color to be seen.
lots of papers are piled around me.
sleeping is where i'd rather be.
cds stacked high.
there's a highlighter by my side.
a dictionary sits high on a stack of books.
what if a quick nap is all i took?
sleep is obviously more important than this stupid room.
... broom.


edit: i was not under the influence in the making of this poem. though i'm sure this what it feels like the day after.

post #15

A lot of yawning has been happening recently.
We're all sleepy.
Never fully awake this week.
Inspiring air, deeply
No longer denying my exhaustion
Gosh, let me sleep.

post #14

So there's this concert I really want to go to. It's my favorite band, the venue is 3 hours away, it's on an exam day that I'm pretty sure I don't have to go to. Words cannot describe how much I want to be there.

This band pretty much got me through freshman year. And that's saying a lot, because freshman year was one of the worst of my life. They make amazing music, a great amount of which have inspired pieces I've written or blog posts in the past.

The thing is, these things never go as plan. My mom might say no. KIDDING, my mom said yes because I have the best mom ever. The tickets might sell out before I get a chance to buy them. The person who I want to go with (I would never go see this band without her) may not be able to get her parents to say yes.

You know what sucks? This stupid concert is all I can think about. I feel like seeing this band would be... well, not necessarily a fulfillment. I guess for lack of a better way to explain it, it'd be a teenage dream come true.

I really, really want to go.

post #13

You don't want freedom;
you just want your own chains.
I kept saying you shouldn't be given this choice,
while others argued that it was unjust.
In your stupidity, you are putting yourself in danger.
Oh, my home, open your eyes to see,
that what you want is not what you need.
Oh, my heart, don't be blind to see,
that you have lost your chance to be totally free.

post #12

Take a moment
A second to feel
To take a breath, blink your eyes,

I've been so tired. But today I just stopped and took a moment. I realized that it was all I really needed; today, at least. And it dawned on me that there's so much more that I need than just a breath of air (mind you, air is extremely important.) God constantly gives me the things I need, and He put peace and joy in my heart today to share. I plan on doing just that.

post #11

A Day in the Life.

5:30 - Snooze button.
6:30 - Rush out.
7:30 - Words flow.
8:30 - Mind provoked.
9:30 - Unmet deadlines.
10:30 - Heart filled.
11:30 - Boring lecture.
12:30 - Temporary freedom.
1:30 - Nearly asleep.
2:30 - Vicious pain.
3:30 - Chilling out.
4:30 - Finally home.
5:30 - Favorite show.
6:30 - Dinner time.
7:30 - Endless homework.
8:30 - Studying profusely.
9:30 - Nodding off.
10:30 - Couch "nap"
11:30 - Burnt out.

post #10

This was written quite a few weeks ago; found it in my binder this morning. I wrote it on a day where one of my teachers gave us a free period (which doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes me so happy I'm downright poetic.) So yeah, have some words.

Give me words to change
Change a heart
Change my heart.

Rest is a discipline,  and something to be learned and taught.
My mind is at peace,
but a jumbled mess it is.

With my cleansing breath, give me rest.
Help me feel at home, wherever I may be.
Help me see the beauty in a heart,
even if it's broken.
Help me see beyond my own broken heart.

Give me rest.

post #9

"Put another X on the calendar,
Summer's on its deathbed.
There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends."

I've been thinking so much and so often about this life, in respect to eternity. It's so much for me to grasp, and yet it plagues my brain almost daily. The fact that this life isn't all, is the thing. We're so wrapped up, consumed in this world and its difficulties. Thing is, today is all we have. Eternity is out of our grasp, right now. So I really shouldn't worry about it as much as I do. Easier said than done. But as for now, today... each day passes and it's gone. Another day marked off on a calendar, a series of moments that either matter or don't. I pray for more moments that matter; I pray my life doesn't continue to pass as I've been letting it.

post #8

Everyone has a part of themselves that they mask from the world. 

Every person is filled with insecurities and fears that they hide, rather than face and conquer. 

The longer those parts are concealed, the weaker you are in the fight against yourself. 

The reasons for this mask could fear of rejection, or fear of imperfection,

but the chief of them all: the fear of being alone.

I know it's a fear for me. 

I don't want people not to want me. 

Maybe the key to dispelling those fears is removing the mask.      

post #7

I am an extremely candid human being. I pride myself in the fact. I always say what's on my mind, no matter where I am or who I'm around. Sometimes it's a good thing; people laugh. They relate. They care about what I have to say and don't mind how I say it, odd outburst and all. But a lot of the time I really hate my endless honesty. I say things that hurt people before I even know I'm doing it. The worst part of saying what's in my head, all the time,  are those moments where no one listens. 

It's almost hard to explain. I just... I go out of my way to say whatever I'm thinking. Maybe I don't want a response, or reaction. I just want someone to listen to my worthless words. But the strange looks, the dismissiveness, and the blatant declaration, "I just don't care", hurts to the core. 

I wish it didn't. Of course I do. Then that would mean that I'd never get hurt, and maybe I could finally believe that I matter. But people don't care what I have to say a lot of the time. Maybe they have good reason... but if you wanted me in your life, why wouldn't you want all of me? My hopes, my insane thoughts, my loves, hates, emotions... 

I constantly remind myself how selfish it all is. People have a right to not care about my useless crap. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though. 

So there you go, readers. I just spilled my guts about one of my biggest sensitivities. Moral of the story: pretend to listen when I talk to you. 


post #6

This is a story about a girl and her mother.

"I don't know my purpose," the girl said.
"It's midnight, honey. We need to go to bed."
The girl nodded as she started to cry,
The mother, aggravated, replied with a sigh.
"Read your Bible, you waste so much time," the mother harshly reproved.
The daughter cried harder, feeling less than soothed.
"I wanted support, not a lecture, and what you said isn't true!"
Then the mother broke down, and she cried too.
So the mother and daughter held each other's hands,
Said their apologies and prayed to God all of their plans,
They told Him their woes and confusions in their lives,
And, in those confessions, they became so much closer that night.
Moments like these remind me why I'm here,
And also that, with a hand to hold, I have nothing to fear.    

post #5

i want to make a blog post about the process of my blogs.

this quarter has been so bizarre. i've been writing so much outside of class, and i have been keeping those writings literally everywhere. so instead of getting 20 blogs sporadically through the quarter, you guys are pretty much gonna get an onslaught over today and tomorrow. i have 15 more pieces to share with you; journals from my daily life, annonymous letters to friends, poetry... i have a lot on my mind and my heart this time around.