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Thursday, March 17, 2011

post #7

I am an extremely candid human being. I pride myself in the fact. I always say what's on my mind, no matter where I am or who I'm around. Sometimes it's a good thing; people laugh. They relate. They care about what I have to say and don't mind how I say it, odd outburst and all. But a lot of the time I really hate my endless honesty. I say things that hurt people before I even know I'm doing it. The worst part of saying what's in my head, all the time,  are those moments where no one listens. 

It's almost hard to explain. I just... I go out of my way to say whatever I'm thinking. Maybe I don't want a response, or reaction. I just want someone to listen to my worthless words. But the strange looks, the dismissiveness, and the blatant declaration, "I just don't care", hurts to the core. 

I wish it didn't. Of course I do. Then that would mean that I'd never get hurt, and maybe I could finally believe that I matter. But people don't care what I have to say a lot of the time. Maybe they have good reason... but if you wanted me in your life, why wouldn't you want all of me? My hopes, my insane thoughts, my loves, hates, emotions... 

I constantly remind myself how selfish it all is. People have a right to not care about my useless crap. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though. 

So there you go, readers. I just spilled my guts about one of my biggest sensitivities. Moral of the story: pretend to listen when I talk to you. 



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