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Monday, September 27, 2010

post #7

Warning: Dramatic teenager writing. Enter with caution.

Today I'm feeling incompetent. I feel like everyone around me is excelling, and I'm not just coasting, but falling behind. Oh, the melodrama.

My grades have always been good; above average, even. I come from a family of extremely intelligent people, and I am proud to consider myself one of them. Lately, I just feel like I don't belong in that category.

I know what you're thinking; grades don't measure intelligence; it'd be shallow to think so. And I agree. I do think I'm a smart person (... most of the time). I just lack the work ethic, and the drive. It's sad, really. I almost feel like my brain is going to waste. I don't want it to, anymore.

I am a naturally independent person. I always have been. Not even necessarily in the sense that I like to be alone (which usually is true), but in the sense that I don't take help from anyone. Even when I desperately need it.

I desperately need help.

I need the most divine, unyielding, perfect help possible.

What I need, is God's help.

What a cliched, bible school answer. But really, truly, deeply; I need someone to take my stupid, controlling, shaky hands off the steering wheel. I'm driving myself into a black tunnel with no exit.

I need help in more areas than just my work ethic. That's just the half of it. Sadly, when one personality trait is so apparent, this trait being my unnatural need to control everything, it affects every aspect of life. My speech, my actions... my grades.

 I need God's help.


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