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Friday, December 10, 2010

post #19

Dear person whose name I will not mention,

Hey. I love you.

Now that that's said, I just wanted you to know that you bring me down.

Oh, I'm such a mood kill. Let me explain.

We confide in each other for everything. You vent to me, I vent to you... it works. It always works. Except when it doesn't, and we fight. We seem to fight about everything, these days. Being the problem solver that I am, I just want to know what started it all. Was there a turning point with us? Maybe it was the day you said I should work on my insecurity issues. Yeah, it still stings. But I wouldn't tell you, because you'd accuse me of trying to make you feel guilty. It isn't all about you, all the time, you know? I'm more selfish than you'll ever be, but really, all I want is for you to care about me the way I care about you. And for you to stop dwelling over every word, every letter I say and twist it into something insulting. I have to filter myself just so there's absolutely no chance that you'd ever feel bad about something I say. My goal is never to hurt you. But sometimes I feel like you enjoy hurting me. Making me feel bad. And that really, really hurts.

Okay, now that everything I feel is out on the table, it's your turn. I just want you to realize that I want the best for you, and I care about you more than you'll ever know, and I really want to know if the feeling is mutual. I don't want to fight with you, but you know my arguing mechanism. When I feel attacked, I fight back; sometimes a little too hard.

I'm sorry.

We straight.

See you in Cape Town,


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